Time Flies

So, my last post was about how I thought it was time to file for divorce. Wrong, didn't do it, but still thinking things could be better. I still can't trust him, and what is a relationship without trust? I think he thinks that I'll be here no matter what, but that is wrong. I can no longer sit here and be put through the same shit over and over again. It isn't fair to me, and it isn't fair to my kids. They need a mother who is strong and not always ready to melt. I always feel like I need to cry and just cry. I don't get it. It isn't fair.
To other things, the kids are doing good. Matthew will be 10 months on the 19th, and we are getting ready to plan his first birthday. A big first birthday, with his first set of BBQ ribs. That's right, my Aunt said that she'd stand outside in the cold and BBQ Matthew ribs for his first birthday. Peter has started school, turned 7, and lost another tooth. He's doing great. I am so proud of him. Jacquelyne starts preschool tomorow at daycare, and I am so excited for her. She is going to learn to write her name already! Hooray! Ballet starts in December, and she is totally excited. We are even taking a mommy and me class to start.
And... I'm working again! I love it. I'm doing collections, which I've always been good at, and it seems that's what I am fit to be doing. I love it. I have no problem being yelled at. It's actually kinda fun. And I enjoy being outta the house for most the day. It's my quiet time. I need it.
We've tried a marriage counselor, who suggested I go to grief counseling. I've had a super hard time since my dad died, and now I need to start healing. I am going to start a journal with letters to him. That way I can tell him things day to day and know that I'm not crazy. Just so he knows that I do miss him!!
Other than that, things have been good. Tired, but good.